


Who Ya Gonna Call?

by Marietsy



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Lord of the Rings (Movies)
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-07
Updated: 2012-01-07
Packaged: 2017-10-29 02:42:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/314945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marietsy/pseuds/Marietsy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if Harry Potter got rid of the ring?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Who Ya Gonna Call?

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own either Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings. I also don't make any money off this story, which would be nice, but sadly, it would be illegal...*sigh*

 

Gandalf looked around the council room, frowning slightly at the tension that filled the air. He knew that it was going to be a long day. Finally, after so many years, the One Ring had been found and now he waited to see what its fate would be. He smiled slightly as Frodo looked uncomfortable, squirming slightly in the large chair made for a man, not a hobbit.

He turned his attention back to the council. Gandalf sighed as Legolas defended Aragon, as if the human needed his defense. He frowned slightly when Gimli, the dwarf, stepped forward, hefting a might axe and slammed it down on the ring, only to be thrown backwards. The mighty axe did nothing to the ring and it sat on the stone plinth, shining in the light, undamaged. He stood as the arguing of those in the room began to escalate, but before he could do anything, he heard a voice and closed his eyes in sorrow as he heard Frodo speak.

  
“I will take it...I will take it...I will take the Ring to Mordor,” he said. “Though...I do not know the way.”

Gandalf sighed softly; he had hoped that someone would be the ring bearer as he knew that it had to be destroyed. He just wished that it wasn’t the hobbit. It would be a long journey for one so young and small.

He was distracted from the talks when he felt a faint prickling sensation all over his body. The hair on the back of his neck stood up and he could feel the power filling the room. He studied the room, trying to find the source of the sensation. Something was building, something very powerful. Whether it was evil or not had yet been determined.

“Gandalf?” Elrond asked warily.

“There is something here. Something very powerful is building,” Gandalf stated seriously, his eyes flicking around.

He heard a gasp and looked down at Frodo, who was staring near the stone plinth, his eyes wide. He raised a trembling hand and pointed. “There,” he said.

Everyone in the room stood up, alert, swords drawn and bows at the ready. They pointed them at the light that began to emit from the middle of the room. As they watched, it grew until it was seven feet tall. For a moment nothing happened, and then suddenly a man walked through it, whistling cheerfully, a sword leaning against his shoulder.

Gandalf blinked rapidly. It was quiet before the cheerful looking man looked around, smiled and stated, “Howdy!”

The room erupted in chaos, demands and questions were being thrown at the man who ignored them all as he grinned. Finally Gandalf could not control himself and yelled, “Quiet!”

There was silence and Gandalf breathed a sigh of relief. He took a cautious step towards the man. “Greetings, stranger. May I have your name?”

“Why?” he asked, puzzled. “Don’t you have one of your own?”

Gandalf sighed once again. He seemed to be doing that a lot today. “I meant, may I know your name.”

“Sure,” the man chirped.

Gandalf waited. And waited some more. Somewhere in the distance, he heard crickets chirping, which puzzled him because he was sure it wasn’t the season for them. Still the man did not answer.

“Well?” Gandalf demanded; his patience limited.

The man blinked at him, surprised. “Huh...oh! You mean now!” he exclaimed.

Gandalf bit back a curse that wanted to escape him. Why now? Things were coming to a head in Middle Earth and now some man came through a portal and was giving him a headache. He knew he shouldn’t have gotten out of bed today.

“Yes, I mean now!” Gandalf growled, ignoring those who were staring at him with surprise. Gandalf was known for being a mellow, jolly man and to hear him growl, well that was just...weird.

“Ah, well my name is Harry Potter,” the man exclaimed. He lowered the sword, stepped forward, grabbed Gandalf’s hand and shook it rapidly. “Nice to meet you!” He looked around the around, seeing the raised swords and bows. He grinned at everyone and waved. His expression was still cheerful and totally unconcerned.

Gandalf stared him, bemused. Harry didn’t seem to be all that worried by being surrounded by armed people, their weapons at the ready. Was he mad? If he didn’t know better, Gandalf would think that this Potter person had gotten into his secret stash of herbs. Many did not know that the real reason he always looked so wise and knowing wasn’t because he was, he was just mostly stoned. Gandalf had a feeling he was going to need some of those special herbs later.

Elrond bit back a smile at Gandalf’s expression. He could honestly say that there wasn’t many occasion that he had seen that befuddled look on the Grey Wizard. He took a step forward and greeted the man. “Greetings, Harry Potter. Why have come here?” Elrond asked. He glanced over at Gandalf once again and hid a smirk. Oh yes, he mused, they were going to be smoking something special later tonight. He was very thankful that he introduced Gandalf to his secret stash of herbs. It wouldn’t do for everyone to see just how flustered Gandalf really was.

“Oh, nothing much, you know visiting other realms and realities. I was kinda bored today you know and I thought to myself, Self, we need to go on an adventure, something really exciting and I just felt that something was calling me, you know. So I did a special ritual that involved pig’s blood, leather chaps and three virgins...and boy was that fun....here I am,” Harry exclaimed. “So, whatcha all doing?”

Elrond opened his mouth to demand more information, but was interrupted when Harry attention was drawn away from him and he stepped towards the Ring. “Huh,” Harry said thoughtfully, leaning down to look at the ring. “Haven’t seen one of these in a while...hmm....about eight years. A horocrux here. Well, that would explain it,” he murmured softly.

He tapped the ring, ignoring the indrawn breaths and stiffening bodies around him. “Hello!” Harry called out. “Hello in there...heeellloooo!” He touched it once again and paused, his expression surprised. He waited a few seconds, his finger still on the ring, and then his expression became annoyed. He took his finger off the ring, stood up and looked over at Elrond and Gandalf, exasperated.

“Hey, did you know this one talks as well? You really should do something about this. The guy is annoying. All ‘put me on, we will rule the world’ and ‘I can give you all that you dream of, power, riches, women.’ Blah, blah, blah…been there done that,” Harry said.

“We are going to destroy it,” Frodo blurted out. “I am taking it to Mordor to be thrown into the volcano. I am going on a quest,” he stated proudly.

“Ah, well that's good,” Harry said, amused. “So how long is that going to take, because really, he is only getting more and more annoying the longer I stand here.”

“Many, many months. At least three movies worth!” he exclaimed excitedly.

Everyone in the room paused, blinked and looked at the young hobbit strangely. “What?” Frodo asked innocently.

“Months!” Harry shouted. “But..but...he is annoying me now!” he whined.

Gandalf sighed sorrowfully. “Yes, it will be many months and a very arduous journey before the ring can be destroyed. I believe there will be many epic battles that will cause much death and destruction. There will be a lot of angst. Plus there is a really cool scene where I am fighting in Gondor. But alas, there will be many sacrifices in order to destroy the ring. It should be fun!” Gandalf frowned slightly at the expressions on everyone’s faces. What? He liked the destruction, plus…it’s a really cool fighting scene! He sniffed. They were just jealous.

Harry stared at Gandalf, his face serious, before breaking out in a big grin and said, “Screw that!” He quickly turned towards the ring and with a might yell, Harry slammed the large sword he had been holding down onto the ring. For a moment everything stopped, and then a large wave of power erupted from the ring, passing through everyone in the room and out beyond the room. Distantly a rumbling sound started, as if a large building, like say a large tower with a creepy looking eye at the top of it, was falling. There was a loud scream, which oddly sounded like a girl, and black mist rose from the ring. Harry waved his hand, muttered something that sounded like “rain, rain go away,” and the mist faded.

“Now that is so much better!” Harry exclaimed. “I mean that guy was getting just as bad as Voldemort.” He grabbed the bits of ring that were left on the stone plinth and handed them to Gandalf. “There you go, one horocrux destroyed; courtesy of the Sword of Gryffindor. “

Gandalf stared at what was left of the ring, then back at the strange man, and then back at the ring, unable to comprehend what he was seeing.

Frodo sputtered, “But...but...I had a QUEST!” he wailed. “I was going to get chicks with this!”

Aragon, Legolas and Gimli looked devastated. “No epic battles, no blood shed, no creepy spirits of dead guys, no killing of large elephant looking animals. Whhhyyy???” they wailed.

Boromir grinned. “Whoo hoo! I get to live!” he shouted, doing a happy dance. He paused as he saw the stares. “What? Oh, right, like any of you had to die!” he exclaimed, before walking off in a huff.

The blond elf in the back sniffed disdainfully. “Well I died in a rather dramatic scene, you don’t see me whining about it,” Haldir stated.

Harry tapped a pendant that was hanging from a gold chain around his neck. “Home,” he said and once again, the portal appeared. “Well, I have to be off. Things to do, chaos to sow. Glad I could help you all. Just imagine how much time and energy I just saved everyone,” he stated, ignoring the wail of “my quest!” from Frodo. “See ya folks!”

Harry waved at everyone cheerfully and then stepped back onto the portal. Once he was through, the portal disappeared.

Gandalf looked over at Elrond, his expression stunned and asked “What the hell just happened?

The End


End file.
